Make a Choice, Take a Chance
by Nattou
Summary: My take on what could have happened if Aria HAD stayed over at Ezras in 5.04


**AN: **Sooo, I started writing this straight after 5x04 aired, BUT it took me forever to actually finish it. Thanks to _**Lucy**_for encouragement, and _**bite-me-im-irish**_for beta'ing :)

Hope you like it!

**Make a Choice, Take a Chance**

**Summary: **What if Aria _had _stayed over at Ezra's apartment in 5x04

***PLL***

"This is the one you liked, right?" he asked almost casually as he held up a mustard colored t-shirt they both knew she had worn more in the past couple of years than he probably ever had.

"Uh, yeah, thank you," she said as her shaking fingers wrapped around the soft cotton. The moment felt awkward; foreign, she had never spent the night there as just a friend before. She had napped on the couch numerous times, but she had never slept on it an entire night. This was new territory, and as she played with the neckline on the t-shirt she couldn't help but think that she didn't really like it. Not too long ago she had considered 3B her home away from home, and now she didn't know how to act anymore.

"Aria?" The sound of her name snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"I asked if you wanted the bathroom first. I'll get the couch ready in the meantime."

It was obvious that he was trying to make her feel comfortable by attempting to ignore the awkward vibe between them, and if she was honest with herself, she was really grateful that he did, even if he did look as uncomfortable as she felt.

"You sure you don't need help?"

"Don't worry about it," he said and shot her a small, uncertain smile.

Aria gently bit down on her lower lip as she walked into the small bathroom, the sound of blankets and pillows being moved following her.

Nothing had changed in there, not that she really expected it to have. The only thing that had truly changed in the apartment were the two people in it and the relationship between them. Carefully, almost as if scared of her own reflection, she raised her eyes to look into the mirror. It was the same mirror she had looked into a million times before, but somehow the girl looking back seemed almost like a stranger. So much had happened, so many things had changed, and sometimes she wasn't even sure she knew who she was anymore. Shaking her head slightly she let her cardigan drop off her shoulders. Being alone with her thoughts was too much to handle right now. That was another thing that was new and foreign. She had always felt comfortable in her own company, and now she couldn't be alone for a second before her thoughts were filled with Shana. She knew she had to find a way to make it stop. She couldn't always rely on someone else to keep her mind distracted. She'd have to be able to do it by herself at some point, but right now she couldn't handle it on her own.

Closing her eyes she pulled her top off and unbuttoned her pants before pushing them down her legs so she could step out of them.

As her eyes took in her reflection she bit her lip gently. She knew she had lost weight, but somehow it became more evident in Ezra's mirror. The contours of her ribs were clearly visible every time she took a deep breath and she was suddenly very thankful for the oversized shirt that would hide the fact from Ezra. She just couldn't deal with conversations about that as well. She wasn't starving herself, she just happened to be the opposite of a comfort eater, and the worry and stress of the past weeks was starting to show. It would get better, it always did, but she wasn't sure Ezra would let it slide that easily. He had already commented on her lack of appetite earlier that evening.

She let out a sigh as she unclasped her bra and slipped the well-worn shirt over her head, she had to stop dwelling on every what if that entered her mind. The yellow fabric still smelled liked Ezra and she couldn't help a small smile from tugging on her lips as she reached over to open the cabinet door that hid their toothbrushes and the toothpaste. It wasn't until her hand made contact with the small knob that she caught herself.

They weren't together anymore.

This was no longer her second home; there wouldn't be a pink toothbrush in there.

The thought made her eyes burn with unexpected tears. Forcefully closing her eyes she mentally scolded herself for letting something so small get to her. Biting back the tears she reached for the knob again. Toothbrush or no toothbrush, she knew Ezra kept mouthwash in there too and that would at least give her a fresh taste in her mouth.

She expected the green cup she found inside , she was not surprised by the small 'Cars' toothbrush on the top shelf either, however what made her lip quiver was the purple cup adorned with an A that stood where it always had, pink toothbrush and all. It was still there.

Suddenly feeling brave she pulled out the top drawer and felt the tears return as she took in the sight before her.

He had kept the things she had left there months before.

Her hairbrush, hair ties, make-up and other knick knacks still filled the drawer she had long ago claimed as hers.

A tear slid down her cheek as she let her fingers slide across the items, it was as if nothing had changed, but she knew that wasn't the case. Everything _had_ changed, and what she saw both made her heart skip a beat and felt like a slap in the face at the same time. It was a snapshot of what had been; and it hurt.

*PLL*

The second he heard the bathroom door closing, Ezra let the blanket fall from his hands and onto the couch. There was a part of him that still couldn't believe she was actually in his apartment again. He really had thought that he'd never see her again after she told him to leave Rosewood, yet here she was. It filled him with hope that, even after what he had done, she still sought him out when she needed comfort.

It pained him that he had to make the couch her bed though. Not too long ago she would have crawled into his bed and cuddled up under the covers like it was the most natural thing in the world. And it had been. The summer after Mona had been sent to Radley, Aria had basically lived there, much to her father's annoyance.

They had had their little routines going and he really hated that Maggie and his mother had managed to set off the chain of events that wore them thin. It angered him even more that it could easily have been avoided had Maggie just been truthful from the start. Instead it had robbed him of everything he viewed important in his life, and it was something he would never forgive her for.

It was his own actions that had broken them in the end though. Broken her, and as much as he wished he could blame it on someone else, he knew that he couldn't. It had all been his doing and he knew there was no way he would ever be able to forget her face and her words that night on the ski-lift. She had been scared of him, scared that he would hurt her. She had thought he was the one torturing her and her friends and though that wasn't the truth the image of her terrified face would forever haunt him, and the fact that he was the reason for it was something he would never forgive himself for.

Letting out a sigh he went to get a sheet for her to sleep on. He tucked it around the couch to the best of his ability before crawling onto his bed to reach the two pillows closest to the wall. Those were her pillows, and it wouldn't feel right to have her stay over and not use them. If he was completely honest it didn't feel right to have her stay over and not sleep in his bed, but he knew that Aria was the one setting the pace. It was up to her to decide how fast they were going to move forward, and if they were going to move forward at all. The fact that she was currently in his bathroom gave him hope that they would, more hope that he had allowed himself to have since she found out about the book, but he knew there weren't any guarantees. Ideally he wanted her back in his arms, wanted to be allowed to love her again, but if that couldn't happen he'd gladly take anything she was willing to give, even if it never went beyond what they currently had. He'd rather have Aria as a friend than not have her at all.

*PLL*

Aria tugged gently on the hem of the old t-shirt as she prepared herself to step back into the apartment. The garment felt much shorter than she remembered and a wave of nervousness washed over her as she took in her own reflection. The uncertainty of the situation was getting to her. She didn't know what to expect, or how to act. She had felt on edge ever since asking to stay. She didn't trust herself. When he had handed her the shirt she had felt herself breaking. There was a part of her that just wanted to walk into his arms and tell him to never let her go, and another part that wanted to bolt out the door and never look back.

Taking a deep breath she carefully opened the door, she had to make a choice. Ezra had closed the blinds and turned off most of the lights while she had gotten ready. It was a sight she was familiar with. A sight that usually meant snuggles and watching old movies in bed, but not this time. This time was different, and it was different for all the wrong reasons.

"Hey," she said quietly as she rounded the corner and found him leaning against the kitchen counter with a glass of water in his hand.

"Found everything you needed?"

Her eyes met his, silently telling him that he already knew she did.

"Yeah, thank you…and thanks for letting me stay."

"Anytime, Aria, you know that, right?"

Instead of answering she shot him a small smile.

She had known that. She had taken advantage of that more times that she could count, but so much had changed. A few weeks ago she never thought she'd ever even want to stand in the same room as Ezra Fitz, much less even think about running to him for comfort… but here she was.

"I, uh, made up the couch for you," he said awkwardly and nodded towards the black piece of furniture in the center of the room. Aria turned to look and felt her heart flutter. He _had _made up the couch, and he had used much more than the old blanket that was usually draped over it.

"You didn't…" she started, but he cut her off.

"Yes, I did."

They both fell silent before he nervously scratched his neck. "I'm, uh, going to go get ready for bed. Uhm, make yourself comfortable, if there's anything you want, you know where to find it."

Aria nodded and quickly turned around to hide the tears she fought to hold back. When she heard the bathroom door close she let herself take a shaky breath as she looked around the small space that held so many memories. She was fighting a losing battle and she knew it. Her walls were showing cracks and she knew that the only way to keep them from crumbling was to leave, but instead she crawled under the comforter on the couch and rested her head against pillows that smelled just like him. Surrounded by him she wasn't sure how much longer she could fight it, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to anymore.

*PLL*

Yawning, Aria pressed a button on her phone to make the clock show up.

2.45 a.m.

At most she had gotten about an hour's worth of sleep since Ezra turned the lights off and they said goodnight. It wasn't because the couch was uncomfortable or because Ezra snored. It wasn't even the thoughts about Shana that were keeping her up. She had thought that since she had felt so at ease with Ezra lately that shed easily find that ease and inner peace at night too, but instead the opposite had happened. Her mind, and heart, was reeling. It was as if she was in a constant battle with herself, as if half of the broken pieces of her heart had been put back together, while the other half were still a scattered mess of memories, love and betrayal. He had hurt her in a way she had never been hurt before. In a single moment everything she thought she knew had been taken away from her. What she thought had been real and honest had been based on a lie. He had used her as a tool, an asset. A few weeks ago she hadn't known where the lies ended and the truth began. All she knew was that she had loved him with everything she had, and he had taken advantage of that. Never in her life had she felt as lost as she had in the days that followed. She had lost a piece of herself that night on the ski-lift and she hadn't been sure if it was a piece shed ever get back. The Aria she had become since returning from Iceland had been shaped by her relationship with Ezra as much as it had been by A and the new dynamic between her friends. How could she ever be the same Aria when something so important had been crushed, ripped out from under her? All she had known was that she could never forgive him for what he had done. It didn't matter that he cancelled the book or begged and pleaded for forgiveness. It simply didn't matter.

And then he got shot.

He got shot trying to protect her.

He had collapsed against her, breathing out apology after apology as he fought for his life.

_That_ had mattered.

In the blink of an eye she had forgotten, if only for a moment, all the pain he had caused. All the anger had been replaced by a fear she had never known before. He was her Ezra, and despite telling him she never wanted to see him again, she hadn't been able to handle the thought of actually losing him. In that moment all she could remember were the good memories and the way he had made her feel before she knew the truth.

Her lip quivered as she thought back. He had nearly died in her arms that night. The second she saw the blood sheer panic had taken over. It was as if someone had stabbed her. Her heart had been racing, but at the same time it had felt like it wasn't beating at all. Everything had hurt. She couldn't remember what she had thought in those moments, but she remembered the pain.

Most of what had happed before the paramedics had arrived was a blur to her, but the echo of their desperate calls for help still haunted her in her dreams. She had never felt more helpless than she did in that moment.

Frustrated she flipped over on her back. The leather cushions squeaked slightly beneath her as she pulled the blanket up and attempted to snuggle down. Closing her eyes she tried to clear her mind, to relax, but the moment she felt herself about to succumb to exhaustion Ezra got shot before her eyes.

She abruptly sat up and glanced towards the bed. She knew he was ok, but she needed to see him, needed the reassurance her tired mind couldn't give her. From where she was seated she could just about make out the outline of his body breathing steadily beneath the covers, and before she had a chance to register what she was doing, she suddenly found herself on her feet, pillow in hand. For a second she stood there frozen, contemplating the decision her body and heart had made before consulting her brain.

She knew full well that if she crawled onto that bed he would pull her close, let her snuggle into his chest and stroke her arm lovingly until she fell asleep. He wouldn't ask any questions if told him not to. He'd simply give her the comfort she needed so badly.

Her bare feet moved quickly across the small area until she stood at the foot of his bed, and then, before she lost her never, she crawled in. the soft mattress gave way under her weight and a feeling of familiar warmth spread through her. This was _her _side, _her_ spot, it was _her_ bed too. It felt like coming home.

His eyelids fluttered open as she snaked her way under the covers.

"Aria?"

"Mhmm."

A soft smile spread on his lips as their eyes connected in the dark. He said nothing more, instead he reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear before gently wrapping his hand around her shoulder and pulled her towards him. She went down willingly, immediately finding her favorite spot to rest her head.

The kiss he pressed against the top of her head came as no surprise. It was his thing. Something he had been doing from the very beginning.

He took a deep breath beneath her.

She knew she was still somewhat mad at him, she still felt betrayed, but right in that moment, as in every moment like it, Aria felt _safe_.


End file.
